I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
