You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
