Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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