I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
