In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
