i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
