I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
