remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
