This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
