just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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