She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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