I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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