I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
