Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
