Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
sex in a hospital.. check
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
