THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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