no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
