it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
