I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder