Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
