dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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