It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
