Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
