12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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