nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
