based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
