low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
