Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
