i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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