I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
