I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
