I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
