I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
