I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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