and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
