i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
