can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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