Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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