Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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