you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
try to milk me bitch
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
