your parents love me but you hate me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
