Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
