I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
