even my farts smell like vagina
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
