Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
