remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
