I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
