She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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