ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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