You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
