I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
