Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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