I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
