shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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