my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
