I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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