So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
