my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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