I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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