Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
