FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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