i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
