He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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