so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
