apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
