he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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