Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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