how can u be prego again
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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