I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
